The Best Version of Myself

To tease his patient into giving him information about her condition, a doctor asked, "Am I a fireman?" She teased back knowingly and answered, "I don't think so." She affirmed his presence as a doctor and he continued with his quest for a quick diagnosis.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could always have our identity diagnosed so quickly? Just ask a probing question and someone affirms who we are. Then we can move on in our quest for knowledge - or prestige, or power, or beauty, or acceptance.

But what happens if our search for our own identity fails us? In our quest to be the best version of ourselves, we bump into others who  daily reject us, compete with us, turn from us, and give us reason to wonder about ourselves and who we really are. We then start bumping into our own self in a way that becomes critical and self-abasing. We begin to not like ourselves because we just can't measure up to the expectations of a secular and self-absorbed world. And sometimes that "world" includes family and closest friends. And then we  remove ourselves ,become invisible to the world, and become a victim of retreat.

And the world wonders why we can't get our act together.

And the world turns it's self-conscious head and moves on without us.

But that is not what God intended for us. Scripture says God created us in his own image with a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us. (Jeremiah 29:11) Scripture says we are the apple of God's eye (Psalm 17:8) and He watches and cares for us. (Psalm 23) Scripture says a whole lot about God's love for us. (John 3:16) Scripture is the best self-help book I have ever read. God is a great motivator.

I was with a group of friends in January and someone threw out a phrase that is staying with me through these first months of the year.  She said, "I want to be the best version of myself." That's it. The best version of myself is the person that God intended  for only me to be. Not the cover on the magazine, not my older sister, not my younger sister, not by best friend nor my neighbor, not my business associate, not anyone else but the version God himself intended for me alone.  If I fail becoming the best version of me, then I have failed God. I have disappointed the one who planned my life before he created the world. Now that is identity, for sure.

Who is it you really want to be?

Do you want to be me?

Or do you want to be you?

The Daffodil Dance

You will see them popping up along streets, around mailboxes, naturalized in ivy beds and at entrances to neighborhoods. They begin their arrival as early as late January and continue to dance through the season even into April. Yes, the daffodils are opening their faces every day to the sun! The slender green shoots begin to break through the soil while the earth shivers. Bravely they stand in the wind and cold temperatures. And just when you think it will be a long time before the blooms start to swell, they pop out to delight us with color and fragrance - and hope.
Daffodils, the brightest sign of springtime hope, were a favorite flower of a young woman in Atlanta who died from a rare disease called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. In memory of this young woman, the Club Estates Garden Club in Atlanta's Brookhaven community began to sell and plant daffodils in the fall of 2008. The project became known as "The Daffodil Dance." Planting wonderful varieties such as St. Keverne, Asphasia, Pipit, Smiling Sun, Golden Echo, and Accent, the neighborhood now flourishes with over 12,000 bulbs planted throughout the neighborhood. Daffodils, dressed in hope, dance through the season bringing sunshine and hope for weary,winter hearts.
Is your heart weary from winter? A a winter of unemployment, discouragement, or fear? Look outside. Look around and you will be amazed at the lessons we can learn through the strength and agility of daffodils. Take some time to stop and simply admire the details. Draw even closer and you will see perfection and rich aroma. Look beyond the planted beds and see determination and growth along untended paths of rural highways. Where homes have been abandoned or torn down, daffodils continue to multiply and live on, sometimes flourishing in wild abandon. Who doesn't want to flourish in wild abandon? Hope is our answer, reviving and restoring the soul through the beauty of a dancing daffodil. And we, like Wordsworth, can join his verse that says "My heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils."

Limousine for Sale

I was leaving at the close of a two-day silent retreat. It was early and the world was still. Pulling out to the main road, I waved good-bye to a weekend rich in spiritual growth, simplicity, and meaning. Cresting a hill through a residential community of grand estates, I passed a mailbox with a sign attached that read, "Limousine For Sale."

It quickly jolted me back to reality and reminded me of the tremendous material wealth we experience as a community and as a nation. It pointed out quickly the extravagant lifestyle so many of us live day to day. There is a daily deluge of dollars doled out for things that are not necessary. I wonder how much money was spent on the half-time show performed by Madonna during the Super Bowl. Of course we know she was paid nothing, but her backup dancers and pyrotechnics probably cost in the millions. All for sheer entertainment and wow. I wonder how much  money each person on average spent  to purchase one ticket to the football game.  Probably not so much compared to the advertisers who paid millions to secure a few seconds of time. Volkswagen alone paid a record $3.5 million for their 30-second spot. I saw that ad.  Incredible throwing of dollars to eager viewers. It did not make me want a Volkswagen.

But I must bring it closer to home. I live in a really nice house with three bedrooms and bathrooms seldom  used. I have three sets of china - not counting the everyday stuff.  I tried to wear every piece of clothing in my closet this past year and failed. Not enough days. (My car is now full of those clothes who are moving to a more needy closet in town.) My refrigerator is full of too much food and the garage is lined with shelves holding half-used promises of greener grass and weed elimination.

Too much. We have too much. And it requires storage and maintenance and dusting off. But amazingly, we miss our own extravagance and fail to realize that there is so much we truly do not need. I am reminded of this when I go on retreat. Having less offers freedom to remember who we are in Christ and why we are here. Doing less in the world opens the door to new activity in the spiritual realm.  That is the whole purpose of retreat - reflecting with humility and selflessness for the sake of our spiritual life. One leaves retreat with energies redirected toward fulfillment of a higher purpose in life.

But oh, how quickly we are brought back to the material world.  Just steps from the retreat house gate, the sign glared at me - almost in mockery. But I remembered what Jesus said in Mark 6:30 to "Come away with me to a quiet place and get some rest." No need for that limo.  All I have to do is open the door to my heart.

Listening for Truth

 

 This morning my husband and I were talking about the State of the Union address last night, wondering what the commentary would be the morning after. What we heard will be interpreted a wide variety of ways, to say the least. As we said good-bye for the day, he said, "We live in a world of half-truths."

I closed the door and thought, "But I don't want to live in a world of half-truths." If I live in a world of half-truths, then I also live in a world of half-lies. Which half is true?  Which half is not? I don't need to be any more confused than I already am and possibly that is why I settle for just half.

Why would I settle for just a half-truth? Because in a fast-paced world  of information, we are daily bombarded with hearing and hearing a half-truth is easier than taking the time to listen to whole truth. And there are other reasons like: because I don't have to think so much; because I can "settle" and have some kind of false peace about the way things are and I can continue in my life without coming to terms with myself. Now there's a challenge for most of us.

Maybe then,  we should ask ourselves, "Where do I listen for truth and who do I listen to?"

When I go into a friend's business I can always tell when he has been listening to talk radio. I hear his opinions without asking and remind him about other sources for information. We laugh and joke, but ideas are planted that take root and grow - which half is truth? Which half is not?

I like the way another friend speaks often of working on her listening skills. And I discovered that while I am a good listener, attentive and quiet, what I hear often runs through a destructive type of self-filter that wants to make me insecure and doubtful. Of course, self. How we work at trying to be good enough, strong enough, powerful enough. And it's never enough. It's a half-truth. Deceived by the half-lies.

But I have discovered a great whole truth. When I go to scripture, there it is - the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Hearing truth in scripture is referenced almost 2000 times in practically every book of the Bible. Those are facts. These verses are just three examples of hearing and listening with a most reliable source. They won't draw much political commentary, but they might help us listen.

Matthew 13:9 "He who has heart to hear, let him hear!"

Luke 8:18 "Consider carefully how you listen."

Psalm 95:7 "Today, if you will hear His voice."

Come To The Table

I received a bird feeder as a Christmas present. It's a real one. It is a cedar house with a tray and holds lots of bird seed. Birds can sit on four sides and dine in style. And just for the season, I splurged and bought some food with things that even I like to eat - pecans and raisins. The bird feeder came with what is called a "baffler." A baffler is designed to keep the squirrels from running up the pole to devour the tasty nuggets. It is supposed to baffle them. I admit, I will love watching a baffled squirrel.

Once the feeder was installed, we sat inside on the cold afternoon and just watched - like two old people - waiting for the first visit to this new snack haven in my back yard. It was late in the day and cold and there were no takers. But this morning the sun is out and the visitors are one-by-one showing up: cardinals, tit mice, wrens, jays, red-winged blackbirds.  There is a feast for the finding and I am enjoying the show.

Nothing like a New Year to get a fresh opportunity. Even the birds like it. Oh, they still visit their little plastic feeder in another part of the yard, but this new one is "five star" and worth returning to often.  What new opportunities are just waiting out there for you and me? Opportunities in our workplace. Opportunities in our community. Opportunities in our personal life.

I love it that Christmas comes just before the New Year. You see, every Christmas I get it right. I slow down, enter into Advent with a heart for clearing the clutter and making the way for the Christ child. He comes and I hold the candles high in worship, singing and praising that yes, Joy has entered my life once again.  I vow to start fresh in the New Year. I get a new calendar and clean out the basement of my failures , motivated to start fresh because of the renewed joy that the Christmas message brings.

Why is it that a simple birdfeeder is such a visual reminder of God who brings in the New Year, offering up a variety of opportunities at His table of abundance.  All delivered down by grace, mine for the receiving. I just have to fly to the feeder of my faith, take in the nourishment , gather strength and rest, knowing that the table is prepared for me.

I'll be watching the birdfeeder to see who visits. I suppose God will also be watching for me.

Small Signs of God - First Light

" Jesus spoke to them, saying: I am the light of the world: he that followeth me, walketh not in darkness, but shall have the light of life." (John 8:12)

And today, peace is still here. I can see small signs of God the day after Christmas. Why? Because I am looking and will continue to look as the first rays of light appear through the winter trees. I reflect on a day of service and silence, quiet and gratitude, peace and plenty. It's true. Christmas is believing  that God makes all things right, not me. What a Christmas gift. The birds confirm this thought as they wake and discover the same truth with me. We worship a God of order who makes all things right in a broken world. I play such a small part.

The toy just seemed so exciting and perfect choice for energetic nephews. But it simply did not work. Faulty in construction it was returned to the store before Christmas day and another toy quickly made the substitution. I wonder when Jesus will become the perfect gift and cheap substitutions will no longer vie for first place. I wonder how many small signs I can continue to spot along my journey in a world of broken toys to help me never allow a substitution for the Son of the Most High.

"It is not over,

this birthing.

There are always newer skies

into which

God can throw stars.

When we begin to think

that we can predict the Advent of God,

That we can box the Christ

in a stable in Bethlehem,

that's just the time that God will be born

in a place we can't imagine and won't believe.

Those who wait for God

watch with  their hearts and not their eyes,

listening, always listening for angel words."

(Ann Weems, Kneeling in Bethlehem)

Small Signs of God - A Child's Birth

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord." (Luke 2:11)

The powerful silence of Christmas morning says "Peace, I am here." I smile and rest in that knowledge. Somehow, the world rests as well. Even as the day comes alive, people are kinder, quieter with the knowledge that today something is different. I feel it. Maybe because I believe it. I believe that peace begins with me. I believe angels sing and stars dance. I believe in Wise Men and a virgin birth. I believe Jesus is the coming of God to earth. Today is Christmas and I welcome it and I reread the story:

^"This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.  But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus." (Matthew 1:18-25)

"Christmas is saying 'yes' to something beyond all emotions and feelings. Christmas is saying "yes" to a hope based on God's initiative, which has nothing to do with what I think or feel. Christmas is believing that the salvation of the world is God's work and not mine. Things will never look just right or feel just right. If they did, someone would be lying...But it is into this broken world that a child is born who is called Son of the Most High, Prince of Peace, Savior."(Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak)

Savior who has been born to us,

              draw us to you this day and all days

                  until we see you face to face.