Looking at God

November 11, 2008

The leaves are unusually bold in color this fall. There is much written about the falling leaves and the rich colors so I won’t be quoting poetry, but I might hum to myself a few bars of The Falling Leaves … drifting by my window …. I did a mini science refresher and found that the extremely bright colors we have enjoyed – almost electrical – have always been there camouflaged in the green color of summer. As the chlorophyll vanishes with colder temperatures, the yellows and oranges are allowed to show off for a time before the rain and wind grabs them and sends them to the ground. And the dry summer has made for a concentration of sugar in the leaves, yielding the vibrant reds. The beauty of all the colors have been there all along, hidden, just waiting to come forth. When one thing goes away, another steps in. And behind it all is a great plan.

Tomorrow will be two months since Megan died. I hate to use the word “died” because I feel her with me every day. I have felt her with us at the beach, in the mountains, in the kitchen, in the garden, at church. I hope this feeling will never go away. But in her absence, other “bright colors” have stepped in and taken part in God’s great plan for our lives. Dr. Feelgood and I sat around a fire with friends, listening to a song written just for us as we find our way in this mystery. And although only one wrote the song, each could sing a different verse in how they stepped in and allowed their own light and love to shine as Megan’s bright light faded from our presence. And our family is finding our way. We do not like it – none of us - the path is tear-sodden and covered in loss. But those gold leaf colors did not happen overnight. Gradually, God transformed them – and I pray that is what will happen to Blair and Owen, Mike and me, little by little, finding rich and new color in each little bit of transformation as we look to Him in this personal season of change.

A Swiss philosopher once said “Every landscape is, as it were, a state of the soul, and whoever penetrates into both is astonished to find how much likeness there is in each detail." So true. Through this vivid display these past days, I have felt God almost screaming to all of us, “Look at me! Look at my colors! Look and admire my provision! Look at my beauty and worship only me. These colors pale to my colors of Heaven. Look at my creativity and cleverness – seasons were my idea, you know. Look at my power over the universe –and tonight, check out my full moon. And oh, by the way, you are right there in the middle of my plan and I love you more than all you see.” And somewhere in my imagination, I like to think I can hear Megan saying, “Lord, could you just turn up the color intensity a bit this year, just to let everyone have a stronger glimpse of what I am experiencing with you now?”

David said it well in Psalm 19:

The heavens declare the glory of God;
The skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
Their words to the ends of the world.